Gone but not forgotten....

My friend, Gina, has been gone from this life more years than I care to remember.  We did not grow up together, and we didn't share daily life in the way that you do with some friends.  Instead, we met as adults, and we became friends through church, and time spent together as women, moms, wives and believers.

But Gina has a very special place in my heart, and I believe I had a special place in hers.  She was That Friend that I could call on, any time, and she simply uplifted me.  There was never judgement, never criticism, always faith in me, and hope that tomorrow would be better than today.  She was a little older than me, ahead of me in the game of life, and she would provide me with suggestions and helpful advice when asked, all of it excellent.

Her most important piece of advice, one I have passed on over and over again, got me through a lot of rough moments in my life when I felt like a failure, for one reason or another.  I was especially downhearted, and she gave me a hug, looked me straight in the eye, then said, "You have done the best you could.  It is good enough."

That was life altering for me.  I wasn't used to the idea of good enough.  I was something of a perfectionist, always wanting everything to be just exactly right.  Close was close, but it was still failure, in my eyes.  I was so hard on myself, I was unable to enjoy what I did have for the loss of what I didn't.

Gina gave me so many important words of encouragement and advice over the years we knew each other, and I spent a lot of time with her as the end came near.  It was painful for us all to watch her slowly lose her battle with a cancer that is as rare as she was, but as she fought the good fight, she continued to be my teacher and my role model, and most importantly, my friend.

I still miss her so much.  There are so many days I want to call her up and tell her how right she was, that things worked out exactly as she told me they would.  She is one of the few people in my life who I did tell how very important she was to me, because I wanted her to know she made a difference for me.  And she let me know that I mattered to her, too, which meant more than she probably ever knew.

I appreciate more and more the standard she helped me set for my own life.  She taught me about being a friend, she taught me about being a better mom, she taught me about being the best person I can be while still allowing me to be human and imperfect.  She made me realize that setting the bar too high is as destructive as setting it too low - ensuring failure is not the path to a happy life.

Today I am grateful for my friend, in all the multifaceted ways she was there for me.
Gina was gone much too soon, but in having been in my life, she changed me forever.  Losing Gina is still not easy for me, or for anyone who knew her, and I am not grateful for her loss.  But I am surely filled with gratitude for having had the opportunity to know her and have her in my life.