Father's Day...

Losing my father as a child was a defining piece of my life puzzle.  Ever after, even to this day, my life is divided between when we had dad, and when he was gone.  It is a permanent schism through my childhood that changed me, as a person, and how I see the world.  The bedrock of my life, my parent, was suddenly gone, and the whole foundation of my existence was shaken.  It is not a benign thing to lose a parent so young.  And it certainly shook my faith in the world as a benevolent place.

The nice phrases people say in those situations, such as, "He is in a better place now," were meaningless to a child who simply wanted her dad, like all the other kids.  He may well have been in a better place, but his absence left me in a much worse place, and when you are a child, that is really all that matters to you.

It is hard to be grateful for such a negatively life altering event, and yet, in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, God asks us to,

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

How then, do I find gratitude in such a difficult circumstance?

It has taken me many years to figure that out, but I am making headway.  I will, of course, never be grateful for the premature death of my dad.  I don't think God is asking the impossible of me, and that would be impossible.  Instead, I think God is asking me to be grateful for the positive things that came out of that trial, which I may not otherwise have experienced.  Gratitude IN the experience, not necessarily FOR it.

There are a couple things, in particular, which I gained, and for which I feel deep gratitude.

My relationship with my mother inevitably changed as a result of the tribulation we experienced together.  No one else will ever know or understand the hard times we shared, and which created a deep bond that will never be broken.  We are cemented in our love for each other, because of our support and encouragement of each other in those difficult days and years that followed.  My mother has been my rock, and the foundation, although shaken, never crumbled, because of her strength and her determination.  What a gift in hard times to have such a mother to hold on to.  And what a marvelous role model she has been to me as a mother, as I navigated the hard moments of my adult life with my own children.

One of the character traits which that difficult time forged within me was a deep compassion for those who are grieving.  Each person grieves differently, and it is all too easy to become impatient with those who are lost in their own world of hurt.  Through my life experience, I have been able to uniquely support and uplift others, especially children, who are grieving.  That is a gift which could not have been gained in any other way, and I am grateful to be able to take that forward in my life.

Being grateful in all circumstances doesn't always mean we have to be happy about what has happened.  Sometimes, it is being thankful for what we have learned through the hard time.

Today, I am grateful for the things I learned when my dad died too soon.  Those life lessons have led me to a life of compassion for others, and have developed a gift of understanding which I have been able to share with others who are deeply grieving.