Creative people are frequently associated with depression, addiction, mental illness, or all of the above. It seems to go with the territory.
Robin Williams is but one example of a comic genius who has battled his mental demons, and unfortunately lost himself along the way. Jim Carrey is well known to have mental issues, Louie Anderson, Johnny Carson... the list goes on and on. Too many musicians to name have publicly battled drug and alcohol addiction, along with other disorders. It is not hard to imagine that some of the blame for the original problem comes down to self-medicating for mental conditions. Hollywood is filled with stories of self-mutilation, eating disorders, and general need for therapy for everything from depression and anxiety to bipolar and other serious mental illness. Writers are not immune, either, as many well known authors have battled depression and anxiety, such as Victor Hugo, Ernest Hemingway, John Ezra Keats, and a host of others. Artists? Well, pick your favorite and there is likely to be something lurking in their background.
Is there something about the creative mind that drives it to dark places? Are right brained people simply more gloomy or negative? Are they more sensitive, thus more susceptible to mental instability? Or are they simply a more visible microcosm of the world at large, a celebrity version of We are the World?
I certainly do not have the talents (or the commensurate income!) of the famous creative geniuses who are listed in Wikipedia and IMDB, and who have fought rather public battles with their demons. But I have fought with mental illness for most of my life, and it has been a battle royal. So I have enormous sympathy for those who must fight that battle on a public stage, because it is painful enough to fight in private. I cannot even fathom how excruciating it must be to see your personal distress splashed across the media world wide.
I have enormous respect for those in the public eye who are open about their mental illness, because it must be so difficult and painful to expose their vulnerability. In talking about postpartum psychosis, Brooke Shields enabled other women to admit they had a problem, and I am certain she has saved lives. Whatever you may think of them personally, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry have certainly brought worldwide attention to the cause of mental illness with their Heads Together program, likely fueled, at least in part, by the experience of the princes' mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. Mental illness has no economic or educational boundaries, as their experiences surely demonstrate. By revealing their problems and having these very important conversations, they help to publicize mental illness across the global, and it helps others, who are not famous, to cope, as well.
I have been open about my battle, because I don't see any reason to be ashamed of it. I understand that the mental illness I have faced is a physical disorder, no different than the bronchitis I am currently fighting, and the prozac I have taken is no less important for my mental health than the antibiotic I am taking for the infection in my lungs. If, through my openness, I can encourage or support someone else who is also fighting that lonely battle, then it is worth the exposure over something so personal, and in which you feel so isolated.
I have heard from many people how my willingness to reach out and talk about my own mental struggles has encouraged them to fight and keep struggling themselves. I have learned that my experience is a powerful motivator for others who are in that pit of darkness, and that my success in reaching the light is a strong incentive for them to keep reaching, as well. When I tell someone I have seen that light at the end of the tunnel, and it truly is not a train, but rather, hope for their future, they believe me, because I have been through the torment and I have survived. Most importantly, when I tell them the battle is ongoing, but that a better day will always come, they know I speak from hard experience, and it gives them inspiration for their own journey in and out of darkness.
Depression, anxiety, anorexia - all form the rock of my experience. I have learned never to judge a person's inside from their outside, because I know, from my own life, that you don't often see what is really happening in people's lives unless they let you in. Because I have been willing to risk opening my weak and insignificant self to others, God has used me to support and uplift in ways that I otherwise couldn't, and to be his hand in human form in a world that is often cold and unforgiving.
As crazy as it may seem, I am grateful today for the mental illness I have faced in my life. It has made me a much more insightful person, and has given me a way to reach others who are fighting the same battles. God has given me a gift for listening to the pain of others, and walking with them as they fight through their pain, and that gift was forged through my own woundedness. Like many creative people, ironically, I find that my best writing comes in the midst of despair, and when life is going well, I have less to offer. My most thoughtful moments come when I am down and out, and my vulnerability, while a liability for me personally, is the thing that draws other people in need to me.
I wouldn't change a thing.
***If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. Do not be afraid to ask for help. It is a sign of strength to recognize that you cannot go it alone, and there are many resources there to help you. Call your doctor, call your best friend, reach out to a pastor, teacher or other responsible person, email me, message someone, anyone, who cares about you.
- If you are desperate
- If you feel like the world and those you love would be better off without you because you are so much trouble
- If you feel like no one understands your problems or your situation and no one ever will
- If you feel like there is no end to your pain
- If there is no one you trust
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