The funny thing is, I don't go over the top on the big stuff. It is small stuff that usually sends me over the cliff into crazy mad land. One such memorable incident has become the stuff of family lore, told over and over again, usually at my expense. (Which is probably fair, since my behavior was probably the low light in the episode.)
Our neighborhood was rife with squirrels. They were everywhere, and we had gotten them in attic on more than one occasion as the roof was quickly aging, and there were areas that opened where they could easily get in. It is obviously a huge concern, as they can cause quite a bit of damage very quickly, and I wanted to do whatever I could to reduce the risk of damage to the house.
So when I discovered my daughter had removed her window screen, I asked her to put it back and not remove it again. I did not want the squirrels getting into the house through her window, where they would cause even more damage. It is a reasonable request, one that should have been easy to follow. But she was in a difficult phase, and she took that screen off again. And again. And again.
One day, I was outside doing some yard work and saw a window screen on the ground next to the house, right under her window. I looked up, and there was her wide open window, like a squirrel welcome mat, beckoning the wayward animals to come right in. I lost my mind. There is simply no other way to put it. I had a complete parental meltdown on the lawn, in full view of the entire neighborhood, if anyone was watching. It was not my finest parenting hour.
In the end, said screen was collected, repaired, and replaced in the window. I didn't harm my daughter's psyche - it was never that delicate to begin with, and in fact, she now tells the story with great glee, laughing at me because it was so out of character for me. There were no lasting negative effects beyond the fact that she enjoys embarrassing me every now and then by the retelling.
But after I had calmed down and thought about it, I knew that my own behavior in the situation was not what it should have been. My anger was not really worth hurting her spirit. And it didn't even get me the result I wanted, because ultimately, I wanted the screen to stay in the window. It wasn't until I calmed down and and asked her why she kept removing it that I understood the problem, and therefore could address it at the root cause.
Anger is like that. It sneaks up on you, overwhelms you, until you behave in ways you normally wouldn't, because you are out of control. Satan has a field day in your heart when you are harboring anger. And the seeds of dissension that are sown can live long beyond the moment.
We are reminded in Proverbs 15:1 that,
"A gentle word turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger."How true that is. The more angry we are, the more out of control the situation gets. Our anger feeds the anger of the other person, in a downward spiral. Someone may "win" the argument for the moment, but in the end, everyone loses, because you damage the relationship.
We are living in an angry time, when people are stirred and shaken and boiling over. I think, if you talk one on one with people, most of us want the same things. The disagreement comes in how we get there. But like my meltdown on the yard, wrath towards others doesn't really elevate the conversation at all. Instead, it shuts down the interaction, and you have no opportunity to learn from each other.
Today I am grateful for the opportunity of learning from anger. It has taught me to be a better listener, to seek the heart of the person rather than the external actions, and to avoid reducing people to their lowest moments.
No comments:
Post a Comment