Honor...

When Moses came down from Mount Sinai after his conversation with God, he bore with him the Ten Commandments.  They were rules to live by, rules which keep a society functioning and civilized.  They are rules which we observe, even today, whether we recognize their origin or not, because they are solid ground rules for living well.

Among the rules, second only to the rules about how we are to act towards God himself, is the commandment to honor our father and mother.  It is a simple statement.  Obvious, perhaps.  But how far we seem to have strayed from it in these more "enlightened" times.

I have recently read a couple of commentaries by so called experts in child development which state, quite seriously, that parents must earn their children's respect, while at the same time demanding that children be respected by their parents.  Self-esteem and children's rights apparently rule the current day.  Oh really.

How old fashioned I feel, having taught my children that simply by virtue of being their mother, they owe me respect.  (The only exception I make is if a parent has done something so egregious that they deserve disrespect.)  I made mistakes and misjudgments and got things wrong, because I am human, but they still needed to earn my respect through making good choices.  It was their goal to work for, and when they earned it, they knew they had really accomplished something, and it felt good.  I guess I got it all backwards, according to the new age of child rearing thought.  I find it baffling.

There was no such confusion in the time of Jesus.  Women, including mothers, were considered little more than possessions, first of their fathers, then of their husbands, then, if they survived long enough, of their first born sons.  It appears that Joseph had already died, and Mary was the responsibility of Jesus, her first born son.  At the time of his crucifixion, she would have been dependent on him for her very life in a society which did not help the helpless.  In the midst of her grief over the impending loss of her beloved child, she must also have worried about the loss of her protection, her status, her sustenance.

But Jesus did not lose sight of his responsibilities, even in his time of greatest need.  As we read in John 19:26-27,

When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother."  (NIV)

The use of the term woman, rather than mother, interests me.  At first glance it appears cold, removed, distant even.  But that is not consistent with his obvious respect and concern for her, even in the midst of torment and suffering.  So I searched for another explanation, and I think I understand this statement in a deeper way.

As he looked down from the cross, he spied his mother weeping and waiting, and one last time he honored his obligation to her.  He saw his beloved disciple standing nearby, and entrusted to him this precious earthly relationship he would no longer be able to have with Mary. Jesus was honoring Mary and her new connection with John by distancing himself from the mother who cared for him and whom he loved, and transferring that special bond to the disciple he was confident loved him enough to honor her as if she were his own mother.

It was the ultimate act of honor, to give up the love of his mother from the cross.  It is foreshadowing for what he was about to do for us all.

Just as we often fail to properly honor our parents by word and deed, we also often fail to honor God, our eternal father.  All too frequently, we have it backwards.  We are arrogant, demanding, expecting God to honor us and our wishes, instead of showing him the honor he is due.  We pray expecting results, and get angry when they aren't answered as we want.  We try to negotiate, using our love and respect as the bargaining chip to demand what we think we deserve.

But Jesus showed us the way God yearns to be loved.  Even from the cross, Jesus honored the mother who was so important to him.  As his life slowly ebbed away, he continued to show us the road map, unceasingly spreading the message of God's gracious love and mercy, even from the pain of his suffering.

Today I am grateful for the example Jesus set in honoring his mother.  It was an act of deep courage to disown her and give her up to John, one which was rooted in his love and caring for her.  As he began the descent into the hell of desolate existence without God, his mission of unconditional love continued, and his example was unfailing.  He did what was best for Mary, at the cost of losing her at the time of his greatest need.  He did the same for each one of us, at the cost of his life.  What an honor to be a child of God.