The unbreakable bond....

Parenthood is not an easy path.  If you are like me, you stumbled into it without having a clue what you were getting yourself into.  My eldest child was an ongoing learning opportunity, and he probably suffered for it.  But if you do your best, and you have some luck, your kids will probably turn out pretty well, despite your mistakes, and you will feel the usual pride and joy when you see what they make of themselves in their lives.

Mothers and fathers have a different experience of parenthood, and that is usually reflected in the children's attitudes towards each parent.  It isn't that one is better or worse, it is more a matter of needing it all to make a well rounded adult.

Mothers have the thrill of feeling those very first flutters of movement, and building a bond before anyone else even knows the baby is on its way.  It's a unique experience to grow a human being inside your body.  It is humbling, thrilling, frightening, energizing.

The first time I looked at my newborn, I knew I would be the very best mother ever.  I would correct all mistakes made by every other mother, because, well, he was perfect, and that is what he deserved.  I looked at his tiny fingers and toes, his precious little face, the wisps of curl winding around the back of his little head, and I felt this overwhelming love and protectiveness that was unlike anything I ever imagined.

But the relationship is not one way.  Children don't just bring joy to their parents.  They also value and love their parents with an intensity that will never be duplicated in any other relationship.  The hours and hours spent together over many years builds a bond that is usually unbreakable, and it gives pleasure going both directions to spend time together.  The loss of a mother or father is irreplaceable, and the pain is life long.

When Jesus looked down from the cross, he saw his mother weeping at his feet, and he felt the same loss we would feel.  He knew he was about to lose her, at least in human terms, forever, and he knew that she was about to lose him, as well.  I am sure the pain of that loss must have been just as real for him as it is for us, and his longing to make it okay for her would be no different than anyone caring for their vulnerable and aging parent now.

We can assume that Joseph was long gone, and we don't know about the brothers and sisters who were born after Jesus by this time.  They may have been dead already, they may have distanced themselves from their controversial brother, and by extension, the mother who supported his ministry, or they may have been unable for some other reason to step up and care for Mary.  But the reason makes no difference.  The important point is that in the midst of his suffering, Jesus still cared for his mother, and by extension, for us.

A woman without her father, husband or eldest son had no hope and no future in those hard times.  She would be destitute, live in desperate poverty, dependent on the kindness of strangers to get food and shelter.  She would be reduced to begging for whatever she could get for herself, and Jesus was certainly cognizant of that as he spied his mother.

It is no different for us.  Without God, we are lost, destitute and in spiritual poverty. In caring for Mary from the cross, Jesus reminded us that we are ever cared for, looked after, and promised an eternal home with our father in heaven.

He did what he could in that moment.  He reached out to his beloved disciple, and entrusted him with one of the most precious tasks he could endow.  He asked him to care for his mother as if she were his own.

In John 19:26-27 we read,

"When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, 'Woman, here is your son,' and to the disciple, 'Here is your mother.'  From that time on, this disciple took her into his home."

This was a huge ask.  It is a big thing to take on the care of someone who is not, technically, yours.  The responsibility was lifelong, and encompassed Mary's entire being.  How many of us would do that for someone else, even someone we love and admire?

I think it is the most human moment in the life of Jesus, and it is one that I relate to most readily.  We are hard wired to care for our parents and children, and the desire to fulfill his responsibility to his mother was as important as everything else he was doing.  It shows how he loved as we love, and further reveals his humanity in a way that we can understand.

Today, I am grateful that my children love me and care for me despite my many shortcomings.  I have frequently fallen short of the loving example Jesus set, no matter how hard I have tried to get it right.  But no matter how many times I have gotten it wrong, they always forgive and forget and move on.  I haven't lived up to my rash early promise that I would be the best mother ever, but I have been the best mother I could be.  I think it is enough.