Letting go...

Some years ago, my son had a fire in his apartment.  After the initial shock, he began assessing what he could keep, and what he would have to give up due to the damage.  It was a difficult process, weeding through his life's accumulation of important belongings.  Throwing away pieces of your past is not easy, and doing it under that kind of pressure is even harder.

But he discovered something along the way.  It was also liberating to let go of some of the things which were no longer of use to him.  As he began discarding things, he realized there was freedom in the winnowing down, and he felt lighter to be carrying less with him.  As he slowly replaced only what he needed, he was much more selective about what he chose.  He no longer wanted stuff just to have it, just in case.  He wanted what was really necessary, and no more.

When I left my home of 17 years and moved back to my home town four years ago, I went through the same process, but on a much larger scale.  While it seems like I still have far too many belongings, I got rid of much of the detritus of my life which had been holding me back.

It was extremely difficult, at first, to let go.  Even though it was unhealthy for me, I clung to the familiar, because I was comfortable in the discomfort. But as I started to think about what would fit my new life, and I began to toss those things aside which no longer suited me, I began to feel a weight lift from both my emotions and my physical being.  It was as if the material items were actually weighing me down, holding me back, and preventing me from moving forward freely.

Of course, I kept far more than I should have, as people usually do.  Life is like that.  You cling to the past, even hang on to what is hurting you, despite knowing you should let go.  I have often said that I will put the baggage down in the middle of the road and walk away, only to run back and pick it up again.  I have hidden behind old hurts,  and used them as excuses to remain stuck in place.  I have refused to release myself from what has damaged me, not because it is smart or good for me, but because it is what I know, and I fear what is unfamiliar.

But what I have learned, every single time, is that if I do let go, if I truly walk away and leave what I don't need behind, it has always been to my benefit.  Whether it is material items or emotional baggage, once I genuinely let it go, I rarely miss it or need it again.

Of the hundreds of items I gave away when I moved four years ago, I have missed perhaps two or three.  There is a lesson for me in that knowledge.  Cleaning out is good, whether in your head, or your heart, or your home.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to clear away the unnecessary stuff of life, so I can focus on the here and now.  Life is change, and being free to look beyond the past is blessing, even as it hurts.